Aiden's eyes fluttered open slowly, then quickly shut again as he winced from a sudden pain in his back. Where am I? He muttered, and tried to roll onto his side. Nothing happened. Panicking, he tried lifting his arm, then his leg, then anything he could think of. But it was no use. He was completely paralyzed from the neck down. To make matters worse, he had no idea where he was. The room he was inif it was a roomwas bathed completely in darkness and was hot, much too hot. Sweat was dripping from him in streams, which made things even more uncomfortable. Silence was absolute, and all Aiden could hear was what sounded like a distant drumming sound. He tried again to move but still, nothing. Frustrated, he let loose a long, shrill scream.
Just then, the sound of a heavy door creaking open could be heard. Lights suddenly illuminated the place, causing Aiden to wince again as his eyes had become accustomed to the darkness. It took a moment before his pupils were able to adjust enough for him to see in the light, and zealously began to look around the first moment he got. It appeared that he was lying on a heavy, stone slab of some sort. The room he was in really wasnt a room at all, but a cave. In the corner, a group of hooded individuals were muttering something in low voices. Fear suddenly and inexplicably tugged at him as he began to struggle to move his own body for the third time.
One of the hooded figures seemed to glance in Aidens direction, then took a terrible, slow step toward him in unison. No
whispered Aiden. No, no
Please someone, HELP!
Then he felt a sharp pain on his arm, followed by a familiar voice. Hey, wake up, freak. His eyes surged open then, with his heart beating so fast that for just a moment, he was sure it was going to explode from his chest. Aiden, sweetie. Are you all right? Asked a concerned, maternal voice from the front of the van. Yeah
Im fine, Jenny. Aiden muttered to Maddies aunt, then glared over at Maddie herself who was sitting across from him. She looked about ready to die of laughter, with her normally pale face had turned bright red with suppressed mirth. Did you punch me? He whispered heatedly, rubbing his arm where he was sure a bruise was forming. Someone had to wake you up, she shot back. You were making a freak outta yourself. What the hell were you dreaming about anyway? You kept screaming for help.
Aiden turned away. Nothing. I dont even remember it.
Whatever. She responded with a dramatic roll of her eyes.
Get ready, kiddos! Jenny announced happily from the front seat. Well be home in about fifteen minutes.
They had been driving for about eight hours, from Aiden and Maddies homes in the city, to Jennys scenic ranch in the country. Neither Maddie nor Aiden were happy about spending a month of their precious summer vacation in the middle of nowhereespecially with each other. While they had once been childhood friends, high school had sadly taken its course, and Maddie had befriended the more popular crowd while Aiden remained very much the same. But that hadnt put a stop to tradition, every other year since they were six, the two had been shipped off to the ranch by their parents with the reasoning that a month of breathing rural air would do them some good. Plus, Jenny didnt have any children of her own, and supposedly enjoyed having a couple of kids running around. And while it had been fun playing in the barn, going fishing, and riding ponies when they were six, now that they were seventeenalmost eighteenthe novelty had worn away.
The van suddenly stopped, causing everyone in the vehicle to jolt forward in their seats. Were here! Jenny announced happily. You both know where your rooms are, so just go ahead and cart your stuff up there. Ill go and get dinner started. The keys are in the ignition, dont forget to take them out and lock the car when youre done. And with that, she was off. The older woman practically skipped up the porch steps as she entered the whitewashed main house of Black Ivy Ranch.
About two hours later, once everything was unpacked and dinner had been eaten, Maddie stepped outside and headed toward the stable in order to have some privacy while she made a phone call. It was a short walk and Maddie soon found herself hunkering down between two wooden crates, listening to the gentle snorts of horses. She flicked her phone open and smiled a little when she saw that she had a new text message. Soon Maddie became so absorbed with answering the message that she didnt notice the heavy fall of boots on the barns straw-covered dirt floor until it was too late. She never even had a chance to react as a broad hand reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to almost drop her phone. Who are you? snarled a voice. In the darkness, Maddie could just barely make out two lined, cold, grey eyes. She swallowed. M-Madeline Ramone, sir. Jennys niece.
The hand quickly let go of her wrist. Ahhh
Said the man gently. The names Frank Raud, stable manager. Pleased to meet ya. Might there be anything I may have the pleasure of assisting you with?
Maddie swallowed again in an attempt to provide her dry throat with some moisture and shook her head. No
Thanks though.
In that case, replied Frank in a voice that sounded like the imitation of kindness. It may be best if ya would take that device of yars inside. We wouldnt want to scare the hosses now, would we? Maddie could do nothing more then shake her head. Good, said Frank. Then scoot.
She didnt need to be told twice. Terrified, she bolted out of the barn, never stopping until the door to the main house was locked securely behind her.







Devious Comments
Only pointer I have is in the beginning of the first chapter you saythe last 3 years had been the same with maddie being strapped in and all, however maddie is only 2? so that is kinda weird.. otherwise, well done!
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Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
-Oscar Wilde
keep it up!
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Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
-Oscar Wilde
"It took a moment before his pupils were able to adjust enough for him to see in the light, and zealously began to look around the first moment he got."
His pupils looked around the first moment he got? Maybe change the wording a bit?
"One of the hooded figures seemed to glance in Aidens direction, then took a terrible, slow step toward him in unison." - That's missing a "they". One figure alone can hardly take a step in unison.
I was a bit disappointed about the timejump, but I'll be keeping an eye out to see where the story will head next.
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Like giving and receiving thoughtful comments? ~GoldenCritique-Club
I agree with you about the time jump, I definitely need to figure out a way to make the transition between Chapt. 1 and 2 more smooth. Any suggestions?
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Like giving and receiving thoughtful comments? ~GoldenCritique-Club
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