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Wingfall Part Deux by ~SodapopBlues:iconSodapopBlues:



Aiden's eyes fluttered open slowly, then quickly shut again as he winced from a sudden pain in his back. “Where am I?” He muttered, and tried to roll onto his side. Nothing happened. Panicking, he tried lifting his arm, then his leg, then anything he could think of. But it was no use. He was completely paralyzed from the neck down. To make matters worse, he had no idea where he was. The room he was in—if it was a room—was bathed completely in darkness and was hot, much too hot. Sweat was dripping from him in streams, which made things even more uncomfortable. Silence was absolute, and all Aiden could hear was what sounded like a distant drumming sound. He tried again to move but still, nothing. Frustrated, he let loose a long, shrill scream.

Just then, the sound of a heavy door creaking open could be heard. Lights suddenly illuminated the place, causing Aiden to wince again as his eyes had become accustomed to the darkness. It took a moment before his pupils were able to adjust enough for him to see in the light, and zealously began to look around the first moment he got. It appeared that he was lying on a heavy, stone slab of some sort. The room he was in really wasn’t a room at all, but a cave. In the corner, a group of hooded individuals were muttering something in low voices. Fear suddenly and inexplicably tugged at him as he began to struggle to move his own body for the third time.

One of the hooded figures seemed to glance in Aiden’s direction, then took a terrible, slow step toward him in unison. “No…” whispered Aiden. “No, no… Please someone, HELP!”

Then he felt a sharp pain on his arm, followed by a familiar voice. “Hey, wake up, freak.” His eyes surged open then, with his heart beating so fast that for just a moment, he was sure it was going to explode from his chest. “Aiden, sweetie. Are you all right?” Asked a concerned, maternal voice from the front of the van. “Yeah… I’m fine, Jenny.” Aiden muttered to Maddie’s aunt, then glared over at Maddie herself who was sitting across from him. She looked about ready to die of laughter, with her normally pale face had turned bright red with suppressed mirth. “Did you punch me?” He whispered heatedly, rubbing his arm where he was sure a bruise was forming. “Someone had to wake you up,” she shot back. “You were making a freak outta yourself. What the hell were you dreaming about anyway? You kept screaming for help.”

Aiden turned away. “Nothing. I don’t even remember it.”

“Whatever.” She responded with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

“Get ready, kiddos!” Jenny announced happily from the front seat. “We’ll be home in about fifteen minutes.”

They had been driving for about eight hours, from Aiden and Maddie’s homes in the city, to Jenny’s scenic ranch in the country. Neither Maddie nor Aiden were happy about spending a month of their precious summer vacation in the middle of nowhere—especially with each other. While they had once been childhood friends, high school had sadly taken its course, and Maddie had befriended the more popular crowd while Aiden remained very much the same. But that hadn’t put a stop to tradition, every other year since they were six, the two had been shipped off to the ranch by their parents with the reasoning that a month of breathing rural air would do them some good. Plus, Jenny didn’t have any children of her own, and supposedly enjoyed having a couple of kids running around. And while it had been fun playing in the barn, going fishing, and riding ponies when they were six, now that they were seventeen—almost eighteen—the novelty had worn away.

The van suddenly stopped, causing everyone in the vehicle to jolt forward in their seats. “We’re here!” Jenny announced happily. “You both know where your rooms are, so just go ahead and cart your stuff up there. I’ll go and get dinner started. The keys are in the ignition, don’t forget to take them out and lock the car when you’re done.” And with that, she was off. The older woman practically skipped up the porch steps as she entered the whitewashed main house of Black Ivy Ranch.

About two hours later, once everything was unpacked and dinner had been eaten, Maddie stepped outside and headed toward the stable in order to have some privacy while she made a phone call. It was a short walk and Maddie soon found herself hunkering down between two wooden crates, listening to the gentle snorts of horses. She flicked her phone open and smiled a little when she saw that she had a new text message. Soon Maddie became so absorbed with answering the message that she didn’t notice the heavy fall of boots on the barn’s straw-covered dirt floor until it was too late. She never even had a chance to react as a broad hand reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to almost drop her phone. “Who are you?” snarled a voice. In the darkness, Maddie could just barely make out two lined, cold, grey eyes. She swallowed. “M-Madeline Ramone, sir. Jenny’s niece.”

The hand quickly let go of her wrist. “Ahhh…” Said the man gently. “The name’s Frank Raud, stable manager. Pleased to meet ya. Might there be anything I may have the pleasure of assisting you with?”

Maddie swallowed again in an attempt to provide her dry throat with some moisture and shook her head. “No… Thanks though.”

“In that case,” replied Frank in a voice that sounded like the imitation of kindness. “It may be best if ya would take that device of yars inside. We wouldn’t want to scare the hosses now, would we?” Maddie could do nothing more then shake her head. “Good,” said Frank. “Then scoot.”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Terrified, she bolted out of the barn, never stopping until the door to the main house was locked securely behind her.
©2008 ~SodapopBlues
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Chapter two!

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*AtarAtis:iconAtarAtis: Apr 6, 2008, 12:12:08 AM
hmm didn't think I would be reading both chapters.. but they look promising!
Only pointer I have is in the beginning of the first chapter you saythe last 3 years had been the same with maddie being strapped in and all, however maddie is only 2? so that is kinda weird.. otherwise, well done!

--
Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
-Oscar Wilde
~SodapopBlues:iconSodapopBlues: Apr 6, 2008, 6:29:44 PM
Ack! Haha I totally didn't notice that, thanks! And I'm glad you liked it.
*AtarAtis:iconAtarAtis: Apr 7, 2008, 12:54:27 AM
np, I realise it can be hard to get people to start reading! Especially in a place where so many write! -it is simply easier to look at a piece of art because you can look as long as you want,.. reading takes time ;) I'm as guilty as most! You drew me in though!
keep it up!

--
Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
-Oscar Wilde
*ankewehner:iconankewehner: Apr 9, 2008, 1:20:52 PM
Nitpicks first:

"It took a moment before his pupils were able to adjust enough for him to see in the light, and zealously began to look around the first moment he got."
His pupils looked around the first moment he got? Maybe change the wording a bit?

"One of the hooded figures seemed to glance in Aiden’s direction, then took a terrible, slow step toward him in unison." - That's missing a "they". One figure alone can hardly take a step in unison. ;)

I was a bit disappointed about the timejump, but I'll be keeping an eye out to see where the story will head next. :)

--
Like giving and receiving thoughtful comments? ~GoldenCritique-Club
~SodapopBlues:iconSodapopBlues: Apr 18, 2008, 9:40:00 AM
Sorry for the lack of reply--life exploded on me. :-P Anyways, thanks a bunch for your nitpicks. Seriously, I always miss those little details for some reason, I need to be more careful when editing I guess. :-P

I agree with you about the time jump, I definitely need to figure out a way to make the transition between Chapt. 1 and 2 more smooth. Any suggestions?
*ankewehner:iconankewehner: Apr 27, 2008, 8:34:19 AM
Sorry, I got busy, too, and I have no suggestion ^^;

--
Like giving and receiving thoughtful comments? ~GoldenCritique-Club